One Hand, One Heart
by Haley Nicole
Summary: Blaine's thoughts leading up to and after his and Kurt's first time.


Blaine has watched porn before. Of course he has. What teenage boy hasn't? Even his beautiful boyfriend has admitted to looking at it before. It starts with the free sites with the predictable names and cheap sets, then progresses to the sites with membership required and hot men who can't get enough of the cock. Blaine had even ventured into the realm of fanfiction. And while some of the authors were certainly talented writers, there was just something about watching the act that got him hotter than he could imagine.

And Blaine had never thought much of it. He'd never done anything before, Kurt was his first boyfriend, and he was content waiting, watching some of his favorite videos while imagining himself and Kurt in those positions. Kurt riding his cock as Blaine grips his hips and slams up into him. Blaine on his knees, nose pressed into coarse hair at the base of Kurt's cock. Blaine's face buried into pillows, cries muffled, with his ass on display as Kurt fucks into him without abandon, only to pull out and stick his fingers inside Blaine to keep him stretched open. Blaine handcuffed to the bed as Kurt takes a dildo and fucks himself in front of Blaine, eyebrows knit and moans obscene.

But Blaine is fine with waiting. He would never dream of pressuring Kurt in any way, and he knows that when it finally does happen, it will be so incredibly hot. Because all his videos turn him on so much, and he just knows that with the boy he loves, it will be even better. It will be hot, fast, and dirty, and… god… just thinking about it again makes him ask to be excused to the bathroom, to take care of his "problem".

But then they go to _Scandals_, that gay bar that Sebastian brought up. One too many drinks later, he has Kurt pulled on top of him in the backseat of his car. Everything seems so perfect. It's so _right_. Kurt is so hot, and Blaine is _so_ horny, and that's what you do, isn't it? He's seen it before. They make out in the car, then progress to blowjobs, and finally one of them is being pounded into and the car is rocking.

But this isn't one of his videos.

Kurt pushes himself off Blaine, saying things like "not now" and "not like this", and Blaine's brain is fuzzy, and he just can't understand _why_. This is how it happens. How it _always_ happens, and it's always so hot and mouth watering, and why is Kurt pulling away? He doesn't understand. So Blaine tries to pull him back down, and Kurt says "no", and Blaine is just so confused. So he gets out of the car. He's got to go away, because this isn't happening like it's supposed to. _Why_ isn't this happening like it's supposed to? He hears Kurt call after him, but he's just got to go.

He walks back to his house. It takes a little bit longer than it would've had he not been intoxicated, but he makes it back and flops down on his bed.

The next thing Blaine knows, he's waking up with the worst hangover he's ever had. Way worse than the time after Rachel's party when he crashed at Kurt's… holy fuck, Kurt. Kurt, his boyfriend. Kurt, whom he attempted to have sex with for the first time in the back of his car. Kurt, whom he had walked away from last night. Kurt, who probably hated Blaine right at this very moment.

Between classes, glee practice, and _West Side Story_ rehearsals, it takes Blaine two days to get Kurt alone to talk to him. He's so nervous. They've never gone this long without talking. Blaine has texted him, trying to gauge how Kurt is about the whole situation, but he refuses to apologize via text. That's just tacky and insincere. So he texts Kurt when musical rehearsal gets out early for Kurt to meet him in the auditorium.

When Kurt walks out onto to cleared stage to Blaine, it takes Blaine all he can to not break. Maybe it is because Kurt just knows what Blaine is thinking, or Blaine's expression is just _that_ readable, but Kurt is looking at him with eyes that clearly say, "I know, and I forgive you". Even still, Blaine begins to apologize between shaky breaths and nervous swallows. And Kurt makes a joke, something that really isn't funny, but Blaine lets out a short choked off laugh, and leans in to kiss his boyfriend, because how can he not? His boyfriend, whom he loves, and would do anything for. Kurt wraps his arms around Blaine's neck, and Blaine moves and kisses the corner of Kurt's mouth. Soft, light kisses that can't even begin to express how much he truly cares for the other boy.

And then Kurt inhales deeply through his nose, and on the exhale lets out a small whimper. He turns his head slightly to recapture Blaine's lips and just sighs into the kiss. He then pulls away and rests his forehead against Blaine's, and whispers a question, and Blaine's eyes go wide. He looks at Kurt, and Kurt just nods in confirmation, and Blaine leans in and kisses him again.

And then it happens. They go back to Blaine's empty house, and he and Kurt lay on his bed, nervousness thick between the two of them. Shirts are discarded first. Pants come next, before they realize they still have their shoes on. With nervous laughs, those are soon kicked off as well, and then they're laying, facing each other, and Kurt looks into Blaine's eyes and with a shaky breath says "I love you", and then they're kissing again.

And it was so much different from what he had ever imagined. There were no ripping condom packages with teeth, and bouncing on each other laps. No facials, no screaming profanities at each other. Instead, there were slowly rocking hips, soft gasps, tender hands, and pleasant pressure in places that hadn't been touched before.

Blaine wakes up the next morning, and stares. Just stares at the beautiful boy wrapped in his arms. And he realizes, all that other stuff could wait... This… _this_ was perfect.


End file.
